Secrets and Lost Earrings
I was quite sure that in the context of my life this made perfect sense.
Not only that, but in context it was a cosmic joke. A round about twisted turn of events. To the outside point of view it might have been tragic, with a pinch of irony for those with a sense of humour. To me, I was Donnie Darko time travelling. In a second where all the late nights and crazy thoughts made sense. Manic laughter building from a sinking ship.
There was even a lesson here that people could benefit from. Not that I was going to let that make it okay, I wasn’t going to lie to myself. This was a bad thing. Besides there were too many words to get wrong. I can’t share this, I can’t tell you everything.
That’s the thing with secrets. You take them to bed with you and feel them in your sheets. You hold them tight like a lover, terrified someone will rip the blankets off and leave you shivering. You kick them to the side like clothes on a hot night, suffocating you, shirts tight around your throat. Pins and needles and stray hairs disguised as spiders, crawling and keeping you awake. And in the morning, you leave them where they lay. God forbid someone catches it in your eye, or sees it in the corner of your mouth. Twitching in your fingers. They are something you come home to. Something you leave lying around underneath things. Hiding and waiting to be found when you have almost forgotten they were there. And when the years have finally dulled the edges, you burry them, throw it into the sea like a stone that caught your eye on the beach.
You don’t have to explain it. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else. It’s yours.
Sometimes I think my whole life might be a secret.
No one will ever get the joke better than me.